Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.