I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.