I got jumped into a gang, but I never shot anybody or anything. I might have been in the car when something happened, but I was involved in the gangs just for the drugs. After a while, I just became an outcast of the gang because I just liked the drugs. I just wanted to do more drugs, anything you put in my hand.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.