I got jumped into a gang, but I never shot anybody or anything. I might have been in the car when something happened, but I was involved in the gangs just for the drugs. After a while, I just became an outcast of the gang because I just liked the drugs. I just wanted to do more drugs, anything you put in my hand.

Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.