I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.

Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.