I love my dad. He used to walk around the whole neighborhood and collect old furniture and fix it, like MacGyver with duct tape. One time, he brought a television home. I said, 'Damn, that TV has 500 channels.' When I got older, it didn't have 500 channels - it was a knob from the oven. My favorite channel was 300 degrees.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.