If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.