Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.

I got jumped into a gang, but I never shot anybody or anything. I might have been in the car when something happened, but I was involved in the gangs just for the drugs. After a while, I just became an outcast of the gang because I just liked the drugs. I just wanted to do more drugs, anything you put in my hand.