Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.