I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.