Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

I got jumped into a gang, but I never shot anybody or anything. I might have been in the car when something happened, but I was involved in the gangs just for the drugs. After a while, I just became an outcast of the gang because I just liked the drugs. I just wanted to do more drugs, anything you put in my hand.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.