Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.