It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.