A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.

Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.