Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.