Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

A man's idee in a card game is war

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.