A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.

A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.