Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.

What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.

Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.

It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.