Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.

Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.