Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.

It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.