I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.