What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.

A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.