I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.

Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.

If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.