I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.