Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.

Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.