If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.
I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.
Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.
Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.
Being your own man does not mean taking advantage of anyone else.
My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.