Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.

Funny is an attitude.