I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.

I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.