If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.

I walk a lot in New York, not for the exercise but to get from place to place, and because it's the way of having the least contact with human beings.

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.

If you feel the urge to write, just lie down and read a book: it will pass.