What's so great thing about clothes is that they're artificial - you can lie, you can choose the way you look, which is not true of natural beauty. So if you're naturally beautiful, wear what you want, but that's 01% of people. Most people just aren't good looking enough to wear what they have on. They should change. They should get some slacks and a nice overcoat. Remember when the style was incredibly messy hair? That's great if you're a model. But if you're not a model, you would look better if you washed your hair, because you are not beautiful.

I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.

I walk a lot in New York, not for the exercise but to get from place to place, and because it's the way of having the least contact with human beings.

A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.

I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.