Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

I've always been old at heart.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

That I am totally devoid of sympathy for, or interest in, the world of groups is directly attributable to the fact that my two greatest needs and desires - smoking cigarettes and plotting revenge - are basically solitary pursuits.

The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.

While clothes with pictures and/or writing on them are not entirely an invention of the modern age, they are an unpleasant indication of the general state of things. ... I mean, be realistic. If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?