I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."