The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."