Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."
Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.