A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?