I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.