I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."

Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.