I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."