I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.