I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."