The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.