The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.