I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.
It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."