My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."