What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson." When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it."

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window."

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?