What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."