What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.