I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."