America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.