America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.