A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."

I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window."

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.