A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.