Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."