Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.