This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."