Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.