Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!