Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.

Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.