Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.