Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.