A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen."