A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window."

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.