There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?