This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window."

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."