A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.