An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.