What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."