What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."