I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank CarsonThere were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank CarsonI'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.
Frank CarsonMy wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'
Frank Carson