A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."